Author: an Ichi Kyu

I study Kyokushin karate at a dojo in Burbank. I don't yet have permission to say more than this about my dojo. I am also a mother of two, both of whom have studied Kyokushin karate a year longer than I. They are instructors! My husband created the art posted on this site. I have his permission to use it, but he expressly asked me not to credit him as the artist. He's moved on to other styles, and doesn't particularly want a public association with this piece. I love this artwork, personally. And me? I work full time as a cloth and hair simulation artist, as well as a python coder, in the visual effects industry. I have roughly sixteen years experience in film and about four in television. I am 50; I suppose my decision to attempt the black belt test, along with creating this blog, represents my mid-life crisis. Wish me luck! 

Tuesday June 16th, 2020

I did exercises this morning. During push-ups, I am trying to stay up on my toes for more repetitions, and today was better. During karate class, Sensei had us do sets of thirty push-ups, sit-ups and squats in between various exercises. I had one more set of thirty to do after class in order to get in my evening ninety.

F lead kihon and did a good job, though she has not lead in a while, and spaced on the names of some moves that she normally knows. Nerves, most likely, but her form is crisp. She set a steady, quick pace. We were out of breath after her kihon.

Sensei returned to third kyu syllabus for another type of exercise: we did ten of each move on both the right and left sides. So, after doing this, it was easy to remember the syllabus. Also, it is a method of using the syllabus as a workout. He said the IFK will often have students do this for multiple syllabi.

A younger version of my step-mother appeared in my dreams for a few nights in a row. She read my diary, though this didn’t bother me. Since it was published, I was glad to have a reader. In another dream, she was in a room with a girl strongly resembling her daughter, my younger step-sister, who died about ten years ago. I should get in touch with my sister and let her know about the dreams.

Around lunch time, I went to the office to retrieve my things. The company is giving up one of the floors of our building, and they are moving other folks into our offices. I don’t know when this will happen. For now, most of us work from home and will in the near future, given we are not furloughed.

I enjoy working from home. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. We can thank the pandemic for significantly reduced traffic and more family time . One friend from the dojo, a parent of two, told me that her husband, before the pandemic, was never home from dinner. He drove to and from work for over an hour. His commute, in addition to working overtime, meant he simply arrived home well after family dinner. Since the shutdown, he has not missed a family dinner.

Obviously the loss of life and the isolation that many feel as a result of the pandemic are terrible. Hopefully we as a society will figure out how to be better prepared for these events in the future. If we can avoid or minimize suffering and death, while hanging onto improvements in quality of life, this is best.

Monday June 15th, 2020

I have not updated this site for a few days. I did do push-ups, sit-ups and squats last Thursday and Friday. Friday evening, we had karate, as well as Saturday morning. Sensei had hoped to have a beach work-out, with appropriate social distancing, but the beaches are not yet open for group activities. He had to cancel it and hold class over Zoom.

The kids, husband and I did go to the beach Saturday afternoon. We tried Will Rogers State Park Beach, but the lot was full and we were unable to stop. We drove on to Point Dume. The kids swam. D and I were cold. A strong, chill breeze kept our ears sore. I wore a towel over my head and pinched the towel closed under my chin to protect my ears.

Once the kids finished swimming, we hiked along the trail. On the way back, we saw seals! Not many, but we could see a cluster on the rocks, close to the shore, from one of the look-out areas.

On Sunday, we had our dojo community planning meeting and managed to agree on a letter to send out. We need to run the letter by Sensei for edits.

I have been keeping the paper journal every day, though finding time to update this site is sometimes challenging. So since this should be the Monday entry, I’ll jump to Monday.

I did push-ups, sit-ups and squats this morning. Sensei posted a black belt training work-out for those of us testing on his Facebook site. He’s suggesting one hundred push-ups, sit-ups and squats. This week, I am still doing ninety. I’ll be at one hundred pretty soon. I do these exercises twice daily, on week days, and presumably, Sensei’s workout is for a day. Hopefully I’m good. This morning I could only do about seventy push-ups on my toes. That’s fifty “tricep-style” on the ground, and twenty “chest” ones on the mat, before I have to go to my knees. I know I’m allowed to do them on my knees, but it makes me feel “less than,” if I cannot do the requirement on my toes.

Senpai H, who tested last year, told me that we only have to do sixty for the black belt test if we do them on our knuckles. I do do them on my knuckles. Sensei likes to mix it up, however. The last time I discussed exercises with him, he’d suggested reaching the point where I could do sixty on my knuckles on the ground. Given we may not be able to do a ten man kumite round, however, or if I end up simply fighting my two children for ten rounds, he will have to make other parts of the Shodan test more difficult, in order to make up for the lack in that area.

He also recommended jump rope intervals for cardio this week, so I did that today instead of jogging. Also included: drilling Sanchin back to back with Tensho, so I practiced those as well. I was rusty on Tensho, but watching a video of Bobby Lowe helped bring it back.

I wrote outside this morning, and, while writing, the squirrels were all over the place. They are in the lemon tree now. I’d never seen them there before. Normally they like the loquat tree.

Wednesday June 10th, 2020

I put up a rather long entry last night for Sunday, along with a photo of “dirty laundry.” Actually, the photo showed clean laundry on the ground, lying around a rolling rack. It felt like a fitting metaphor. I had “aired” some of the concerns we’ve encountered while trying to pull the dojo community together. That’s an unconscious brain at work for you: making connections.

The photo was also interesting because the larger, rolling rack, full of clothes, neatly enclosed both a smaller rack and a little kumquat tree. The larger rack had fallen over both without damaging either. A white gi, IFK symbol visible, along with my ichi kyu belt, were right on top of that pile, unsoiled. So odd, how neatly the picture encapsulated a metaphor for me. Poetic, too, given its backstory: the wind knocked down the rack. Looking at it, my eyes go straight to the gi and the tree.

But I’m supposed to be logging my daily exercise in preparation for my test through this blog. I did exercises this morning and this evening. Today got up to 97 degrees, so my evening exercises were tough. We are not running the air, since we’re expecting the heat to pass in a day. I also ran for twenty minutes on the treadmill and, once again, called a close friend.

We discussed strategies for getting through a mound of reading for graduate school. She’s taking her second graduate course. The timeline is compressed, since it’s a summer course. She’s also taking the course on-line. I told her how I’d learned to skim and scan large amounts of text in a short period of time.

As a literature student in graduate school, I had the advantage of discussing strategy with both professors and Phd candidates in person. I could ask, how the heck do you get through such a huge volume of secondary sources, along with your primary ones? I’d faithfully read everything as an undergraduate. While doing graduate work, you see there’s often simply too much information out there. You learn to skim and scan, in order to figure out what you actually need to read in depth for your particular topic. Often, I explained to my friend, you just need to know how and where to find important information. So surveying the available literature is primarily about understanding what’s already out there, and how to find it when you need it. I had my mentors, older graduate students and professors, to thank for that strategy.

Sunday June 7th, 2020

Organizing people is difficult, exhausting work. Who knew? We had a major conflict last week. One committee met, ostensibly, to plan the Zoom teaching schedule for next month. Instead, they talked about curriculum, even though several people on the call were not black belts. At least two black belts on the call felt their rank was not being respected.

I got all of this second-hand from F, my daughter. The two, after that meeting, decided to quit or minimally participate less. It seems that everyone was not aware that others on the call were uncomfortable with the topic of discussion. It seems that no one, save the teens, really spoke up.

One person I spoke with, however, pointed out that this would not have happened at all if we did not have a leadership vacuum. Maybe that is a problem with karate, or even our society: we are too used to having a “strong leader,” usually an assertive man. We expect all the answers to come from that one man. We’re not able to imagine how an actual democratic system, one that gives voice to both the weak and the strong, might function. Maybe I’m an idealist, but it will not come into being if we cannot even imagine it. As for me, I’ve studied the value of democracy since I was a child. Most of us have. Why doesn’t that apply here?

That doesn’t mean we throw out rank. We are not practicing karate if we are not respecting rank. And of course the higher rank should decide what to teach, and how to teach. But if we have a lower-ranking child propose going to the beach to practice karate, or a lower-ranking adult point out some potential risk during a fire-break, why would we not listen?

It took some smoothing over and an actual curriculum meeting of the Yudansha to head off black belts defecting. Nevertheless, one instrumental person, still upset, may scale back her participation. I called her today; we had a long talk.

F was upset and pulled in Sensei. He spoke with several of us. Then he worried about over-stepping, or rather, recognized that we need to have the ability to solve these kinds of conflicts on our own. It is true: if he retires, he won’t be around to mitigate our every disagreement. We need to learn to do it.

I am worried about the fact that we keep losing people. I know it’s a process, and any time you are dealing with a large number of people, you will have politics. However, I also look at what others have done: recently, in defense of black lives, there has been sustained, organized protest in many large cities across this country. These are locally organized, grass-roots groups, people no different than us, putting on these peaceful protests. I look at our Temple’s Sisterhood, and even our little Temple. It isn’t large, but it is an organization that’s been around for over sixty years.

We can do this. Our dojo community is full of intelligent, capable, agreeable, well-meaning people. This includes the folks who did the offending last week, as well as those offended. In order for people to be comfortable proposing ideas, we have to figure out how to reject bad ideas with kindness as well as embrace good ideas. As an engineer and artist, I know this: you have to be able to come up with, and reject, a whole bunch of bad ideas before you land on a good one. If our members are afraid to propose bad ideas, then they’ll be afraid to propose ideas.We need to figure out how to make it safe for everyone to toss out ideas, bad and good. And people need to feel safe arguing with each other.

Today we did hold another organizing meeting and some of us talked about reaching out to past members. This upset others. I participated in those discussions, and found out later it was upsetting for some. One of the people who had been part of the committee meeting that went awry last begged off, so I’m also worried that person might stop attending out of fear.

And you know what else happened today? This!

But notice the crazy thing: the laundry rack fell over in such a way that it failed to bring down the smaller rack, and somehow nothing damaged the little kumquat tree. And yes, there’s a gi top and a brown belt, but somehow that garment fell on top of other clothing items. F helped me lift up the rack and shake the dirt out of the clothes. Everything was fine, though it was work to put it all right again.

It is Southern California, and the winds are strong this time of year.

Tuesday June 9th, 2020

My paper journal and this blog have diverged as of late. Part of me wants to write in order to inspire others, rather than simply recording my personal ups and downs. That part of me, on some level, I’m sure, wants to put my “best” self forward. Granted, that doesn’t always make for good writing. So I’ll have to wrestle with that demon. However, I have no idea who, if anyone, is reading this. I have not emailed many friends and family about this site, or taken advantage of any of the tracking plug-ins provided with WordPress or Bluehost.

I did not have a lot of time for writing this morning. In addition to my usual kitchen cleaning and sanitizing, I watered the kids’ bonsai and cleaned the glass door leading out to the back yard. After cleaning the glass, it was really nice to be able to see out. But in any case, I started writing when I had eleven minutes remaining before needing to log into work.

And speaking of home projects: I have a major one in mind: dismantling the trampoline. S likes jumping on it with company, but he won’t go on it by himself. F doesn’t really get on it very much. S will jump if I or one of his school buddies comes over. I don’t know when that will happen, since we’re still in this pandemic. If we took it down, however, we’d have the whole back yard as space for karate practice. If F and I are going to test in August, we will need space for kata practice.

B, our sixteen year old adult Shodan, lead the karate class over Zoom. She has a free account, so class was only forty minutes. She is also still in school this week, so none of us can blame her for keeping the class short. I did exercises after class, and watered a kumquat tree at the same time. It’s pleasant to do exercises outside, though the concrete on the knuckles does give me sore knuckles.

Sensei announced a beach workout for this Saturday. We are all looking forward to it. We’ll have to bring masks, but I’m guessing no one will wear masks in the ocean. I am really hoping we will have many more beach workouts together as a dojo community with Sensei. The karate beach workouts are some of our fondest memories as a family.

Monday June 8th, 2020

I did do push-ups, sit-ups and squats this morning. During my lunch hour, I called a friend and ran on the treadmill for twenty minutes. After work, I did my second set.

Mondays are my “get going again” days: Saturdays will often include karate and a walk or a run, but I do not do push-ups, sit-ups and squats unless we do them during class. On Sundays, I do try to rest, but rest, admittedly, will often include yard work, laundry, and taking out the trash.

This morning, I wrote in my journal that I was not looking forward to work. Dealing with one of the new folks in our remote office had felt weird last Thursday, and I dreaded picking up that interaction today. I thoroughly documented what I needed to do in order to solve the issue, but I also believed the problem had a straight-forward solution.

Here’s what happened: the documentation helped to bring everyone onto the same page; and the artist in the remote facility turned out to be much easier to deal with, even kind. I think he is new, and just unfamiliar with the workflow. The problem, itself, turned out to be more thorny than I’d expected. By the end of the workday, I felt like I had a working solution, however.

While writing this morning, my mind wandered back to issues we’d run into with organizing the martial arts club. I wrote, “The whole cat-herding aspect of community organizing is tiring.”

Later today, I thought of the Sisterhood at my family’s temple: they are primarily ladies above seventy, along with a couple pre-school mothers and me. Nevertheless, they hold monthly meetings, plan and cook multiple Temple holiday meals, host an annual yard sale and and often raise, during that sale and throughout the year, a good deal of money for the synagogue. Now, you might argue that, because many are retired, they have time than working, middle-aged adults and teens in school. However, they have their issues; our former president is living with a slow growing, incurable cancer. Despite this, she attends meetings regularly and does as much as any other member. The Sisterhood women often care for spouses, or grandchildren, or elderly friends. They are busy. Yet they get so much done.

They inspire me. So, our dojo community is full of smart people and none of us are over seventy or fighting cancer. We can do this.

Saturday, June 6th, 2020

The kids and I participated in karate class last night. Sensei talked briefly about the importance of kihon and the need to continue it; it is the foundation of karate. We also practiced the Ido Geiko drill we learned on Tuesday, and that was fun. S caught on quickly and was super-fast. Sensei asked him and and another fast boy who had mastered the exercise if they were good at math, or liked math. They both did. One of Sensei’s instructors had pointed out to him that kids adept at math often pick up Ido Geiko quickly.

Sensei explained that, when he was a student under the IKO, the teachers would often throw in an Ido Geiko exercise right at the end of promotion. The teacher would give students a series of exercises to do, off the cuff, and they’d have maybe two times to practice it before they were graded. So more like a karate pop quiz. I’m pretty slow at that kind of thing. I do get it, but with lots of practice.

Sensei also covered the difference between hiji ate uchi and hiji ago uchi. A hiji ate elbow strike comes around the body and usually aims for the chin, while hiji ago uchi starts low and rises up. The ending hand positions for these two strikes are clearly different. For chudan (mid-level) hiji ate uchi, as an example, you “post” your elbow forward, with your fist tucked into your chest, whereas for chudan hiji ago uchi, your fist ends near your ear. This is useful information for both kihon and IFK’s third kyu syllabus. Even when I learned third kyu syllabus, I remember struggling to understand the differences between these. Somehow, last night, it clicked.

After Friday night’s class, I ran through all the kata I know. I will need to be able to do the “walk,” or all kata I’ve studied, for the Shodan test. Some of the Pinans were mushed together in my head, so I worked on those. I struggled with Saifa and Tensho. Those were my last promotion kata, too, so I really need to get them down again. I will ask the kids to show those to me. I don’t know if they know Saifa, but they do know Tensho.

This morning, I attended karate by myself. We covered many of the exercises from Friday and Tuesday nights.

Thursday June 4th, 2020

I wonder just how much of the current dojo community politics it is wise to include in this blog. While we are forming, everyone is critical: we have to pull together and I do not want to be a divisive force, whatever my personal experiences may be.

That said, I’ve been fielding complaints, and may need to make a couple phone calls. It takes time and negotiation for everyone to be on the same page. Now I need to defer to what I wrote in the paragraph above and stop.

This does give me an idea, one which is basically already being pursued by other members. At the Temple, the Sisterhood will usually vote, before the start of each meeting, to approve the record of the previous meeting. With the exception of one time, these votes were unanimous and uncontroversial. But on that one exceptional day, the Sisters held a debate, with various members objecting to what was written. The notes were amended, and then approved.

We can do the same: each meeting, including committee meetings, should have notes posted somewhere or emailed out, so that the various persons who participated can read, approve and/or if necessary amend the notes. The notes are important, because they are the record of the decisions made by the group as a whole. Various persons among us are already taking notes and either posting them in a Google document or emailing them out. The next step, then, would be to formalize this with a group approval of the meeting notes.

But exercises: back to my own original intent for this blog, that of keeping me honest and on track for my Shodan test. I did them. In the morning, I did get the Japanese count correct. Doing exercises in the evenings is often more difficult. Shedding the stress of the work day is one component, along with the bedroom, where I exercise, simply being hot.

The kids both went to the dojo today to help Sensei pack up. I’m sad this will be their last summer to hang out at the dojo with Sensei, in that physical location. And what a sorrowful endeavor: packing up the place that had been our spiritual karate home for many years; Sensei was there even longer. He had been a student in that location, and had taken over the dojo as a business from the previous Sensei roughly ten years ago. So, for over a decade, Sensei practiced karate in this place, first as a student, and then as a business owner and Sensei, guiding others along the path. I’m glad the kids could go and help. I hope the experience was good for all of them.

Change is difficult, but inevitable. This one, not enviable.

I need to return to reading the Koran. Going to an older Buddhist text that I read years ago simply puts me back into my comfort zone, which is fine for now. At some point, however, I need to approach a new mountain, and climb it. The Shodan test is as much a spiritual, mental test as it is physical. In Germany, I had a good friend, a student from Egypt, who was both a physicist and a faithful Muslim. She was so kind, also intelligent. She had been born Christian but chose to follow Islam. I don’t expect to convert, but I do want to see with my own heart’s understanding the teachings that cast such a bright light on the world through her. While seeking spiritual guidance, I remember her example.

And yes, for Shodan tests, we’ll have to accommodate changes required by the pandemic to keep everyone healthy. It is not likely I’ll be able to do a ten person Kumite test in August. Sensei had discussed having us do some kind of cardio test: kata in the ocean, or Sanchin practice holding jars of sand, Uechi style. I trust that Sensei and the other Shodans will come up with an appropriate test or set of tests for the three of us. In the mean time, I should do exercises, keep records, read and practice. More frequent meditation would help, too.

Wednesday June 3rd, 2020

I did push-ups, sit-ups and squats this morning, but botched the Japanese count during squats. For push-ups, I did fifty “tricep” style ones on my toes and knuckles on the floor, but remembered to switch to “chest” style for the next ten on the matte, and the last thirty on my knees. For those, I focused on going slower and lower: I struggled with the last few. Since this is my first week back on after a week’s worth of rest, I want to push myself. Evening push-ups are still pretty difficult, particularly in our bedroom. It’s hot and I’m tired after working. For those, my goal is simply to get the numbers in.

I’ve started to read “Zen Flesh, Zen Bones” again. The first time I read it, I lived in Germany as an exchange student. In the evenings, I took a class on Zazen Buddhism, which was taught by my professor for a class on Hinduism. If I remember correctly, he’d recommended that book to me. Each story is a koan, but this time around, they make considerable sense. In one story, an elderly woman supports a monk for twenty years. One day, she sends a young woman to the monk. He resists the young woman’s advances, comparing himself to an old tree on a cold rock in winter, and quips, “No where is there any warmth.” The old woman, angry, burns down the cabin she’d built for him, furious at his lack of compassion for the girl. I’m with the old lady.

During karate class last night, Sensei had us practice a set of alternating blocks with an ending punch. The number of moves was uneven, forcing students to practice the same set of moves on both the left and right sides. This was more of an IKO exercise, according to Sensei.

At the end of class, he had us meditate. He instructed us to envision a peaceful place. I saw Queen’s Bath. Sidi Yu was there: alive, happy, healthy, beautiful. D was there, too. We remarked on how warm the water was, and how beautiful the place: black lava rock surrounded the pool, ringed again by green. Sensei kept us there a full two minutes. My feet started to cramp, so I went up on my toes a couple times. I had not seen that place or that friend in many years.

Tuesday June 2nd, 2020

And another summary

Three of us, a Shodan/Sensei of another style who taught the Kyoku Kids on Saturday morning, a Shodan who’s approaching his second stripe, and me, met with Sensei over Zoom to talk about preserving the community as a club. We asked his guidance in this endeavor, as well as if we could hire him as a consultant.

We convened a second meeting with him and the donor group, and finalized some of the details of hiring him. He offered to guide us through the process of re-forming the dojo community as a club. The three of us envisioned a member-run, non-profit as a likely scenario. Sensei also agreed to continue to teach over Zoom for a period, while we transitioned.

That was a relief. We held a third meeting with the greater dojo community last Sunday, in order to plan the actual forming of the club, create a mission statement and by-laws, put together a roster of teachers, etc. Various members volunteered for tasks in order to formally bring this new incarnation of our community into existence. We now have committees focused on various aspects of the club. My daughter attended, along with our sixteen year old adult Shodan, B, who also teaches. They liked the idea of a youth council that will be analogous to the adult board.

We’re hopeful that by the end of the month, we will exist as a karate club.

As for me, my week of meditation and “rest” is over, though, admittedly, given both the dojo closure and the unrest in Los Angeles, last week was hardly restful.

I will say one thing about the protestors in Los Angeles and across this nation: I have tremendous respect for persons willing to risk both their lives and their health in order to stand for justice. My family is with them in spirit.

However, if we want to have four adults from my household able to vote for candidates who support their causes in November, we have to stay home. We will show our support through donations to good causes and kind words of encouragement to friends who march.

This is my “ku” week, so 90 sit-ups and squats. I’m doing 50 push-ups on my fists and toes on the ground, then 10 the same way on the matte, and adding 30 more on my knees, when I can. I got in my exercises twice yesterday and twice today. Yesterday I also ran for 20 minutes with an additional 10 minutes walking to warm-up and cool down. Today the kids and I attended karate with Sensei over Zoom.

I have been keeping my paper journal daily. New goal: return to posting those daily writes here.