Celebrating and Learning from Our Elders
Today, we are celebrating my father-in-law’s 82nd birthday. While my son was on his religious school zoom and daughter prepared to host a Dungeons & Dragons session for younger children, I straightened the kitchen. The bell rang. Still in plaid pajamas, I rushed around to find a mask. I considered running upstairs to grab a housecoat, though it was warm and my pajamas are quite modest. The ringing was insistent. I went to the door. An older man, most likely Armenian from his accent, stood with a large “tree” of fruit dipped in chocolate. The fruit tree had a balloon attached. He asked for my father-in-law. “Richard is asleep,” I told the man. I accepted the gift, and called to the man as he left, “Richard just turned 82 today!”
Who sent this fancy, thoughtful gift? This I wondered while I sprayed it with a diluted bleach solution.
Kindness Remembered
Richard has a cousin in Orange County. She immigrated to the US from Hungary, Richard’s mother’s the country of origin. Actually, she and her husband escaped from Hungary. When they left, the Soviet Union controlled it. Richard’s family helped the young couple get on their feet in the US. Richard has been close to his cousins through his adult life. She sent the gift. During Richard’s birthday Zoom, she told him, “More than anyone else, you helped me adjust to life in this country, and I will always appreciate you for it!”
Richard grew up in Detroit, attended the University of Michigan, and studied engineering. After working in the pharmaceutical industry, he chose to go into academia. During the Zoom, we looked at old family photos that relatives emailed or mailed. We reached one in which he, his wife and cousin were sitting together on a stoup. Miriam was pregnant. He quipped, “I was in a race between the birth of my first child and finishing my doctorate!” Everyone laughed, and one relative remarked, “You can’t lose in a race like that!”
He taught chemical engineering at Vanderbilt University. After retirement, he and Miriam moved to Burbank, to be with us. He currently volunteers at Cal Tech and received a visiting professorship there. He loves listening in on presentations, reviews academic papers for colleagues, and mentoring young undergraduates and the occasional graduate student adjusting to life on campus.
Wisdom in Everyday Choices
In our home, he’s constantly looking for novel uses for objects we might otherwise discard: every room in our contains an old milk jug, filled with water and sanitized with two drops of iodine, in case of an earthquake. Above the sink sits a plastic glass, from a milkshake he purchased over a month ago, that he uses every night as his water glass at dinner.
Miriam and Richard have been married for over fifty years. During his anniversary celebration, we asked them, “How do you manage to stay married for fifty years?” He answered simply, “Every day is a choice. I choose her, and she chooses me, every day.”
Perseverance and Humility
He has taught me a lot about perseverance. When they first moved to Burbank, he contacted several schools and local community colleges in the area, volunteering his services. He just wanted to keep his mind engaged, and be useful to someone, somewhere. He spoke with our kids’ teachers, and friends of ours who were teachers. Our daughter’s preschool was happy to have him come and demonstrate simple experiment with eggs or potatoes. He counseled the teen son of a friend on studying engineering. As our kids grew older, he helped them with science projects and homework.
However, the colleges he contacted showed no interest. Though he felt discouraged, he persisted, and found individuals to help. My husband had a friend through his job, who had a relative at Cal Tech. They arranged a meeting between Richard and his contact there. The scholar he met at Cal Tech invited him to other meetings, and he found his way to his current position.
Interestingly enough, it was not his ambition to land at one of the most prestigious universities in the world. Rather, it was simply his ambition to be useful to someone, and stay engaged in retirement. Sometimes, it takes a significant amount of intelligence to see the value of those right in front of you.
Focus on Your Practice
Persistence and practice go hand and hand. Sometimes I’d wander into his office and notice scrap papers–he only uses scraps, torn envelopes, the backs of junk mail pages–scrawled with equations containing Greek letters. I’d ask, “What’s that?” He would then explain about a colleague who sent him a paper to review, and he was checking the math. If I stuck around, he’d explain about peptides or acids and bases. Like Mas Oyama, he focused on the work.
“I realized that perseverance and step-by-step progress are the only ways to reach a goal along a chosen path.”
Mas Oyama
Our humble karate club is also doing its best to stick to those twin principles: perseverance and practice. During a pandemic, after our dojo closed and we cannot meet in person, continuing to meet using only Zoom has taken some perseverance. Yet we continue our practice.
Break it down and mix it up!
Last Tuesday, Sensei R took three sequences from Kanku and used them as our kihon. He first had us practice uchi uke followed by a punch. Later, we practiced the quick junzuki turns with stabs, followed by blocks and breathing. Finally, he went over one of the more complex sequences, holding one fist above the other to one side, then doing a mae geri (front kick), followed by the simultaneous side strike with both a fist and kick, ending in a twisting elbow-strike to the hand. (This sequence, by the way, is also in Pinan Sono Yon.) He wanted us to break the longer kata down into pieces, and perfect each piece separately.
On Friday, our weapons Senpai, Senpai SL, reviewed some basic nunchuck moves, then we practiced his personal nunchuck kata. He also reviewed one we’d learned with Sensei R. Finally, he asked for suggestions, and worked out nunchuck versions of Tsuki No and Gekisai dai. In each case, he had us first review and practice the kata before attempting the weapons version. The class was fun and challenging, though much of it was review.
Finally, on Saturday, we had a guest instructor, Sensei AJ. She reviewed the hapkido stick moves that she’d previously taught. Like Senpai SL, she taught us to follow a series of steps and punches without the sticks, then we added sticks!
Choose to Practice Every Day
Whether we are pursuing karate for its health and spiritual benefits, or pursuing a career, playing a musical instrument or hoping to finish high school or college, persistence and practice are necessary to achieving most worth while goals.
I wish you persistence in your endeavors, and inspiration to practice! Like my father-in-law, focus on the work, on being a useful member of society. Keep your marriage to karate strong by choosing it daily.
“One becomes a beginner after 1000 days of training. One becomes a master after 10,000 days of practice.”
Masutatsu Oyama
